While I was pregnant, my husband and I moved home to be nearer to our families and to his job. We debated long and hard over how much to spend on a house based on the need or otherwise of the two of us to work full time. In the end we plumped for a house that cost a small fortune, but that we wouldn’t outgrow any time soon (as in we are not moving again for ten years!). This means I need to go back to work in a few months when our son is about six months old.
We really struggled to have our baby, for a long time, and having children of my own has been a life long dream for me. I feel very passionate about spending as much time as possible as a family unit, and as a mother and son. The seemingly commercial decision on the house front doesn’t seem to fit the stay at home for as long as possible and be a full time mum narrative I’ve created for myself. Having made the ‘big’ house decision before I had my baby did I make the right decision?
Actually yes. I love being a mum and I love spending all my time with my little boy. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my identity or any of that, having said that my vocabulary has suffered a bit as have my conversational topics! I do spend a few days a week in sweat pants with wet hair drying naturally, but I still scrub up ok for trips beyond the front door!
I do feel I’m nearing being ready to go back to work. I enjoy the gossip of an office, the challenge of a job well done, the effort required to be knowledgeable in a meeting, or respected by colleagues. I enjoy problem solving and being mentally stretched. Being a full time mum is so rewarding and enjoyable, I adore it. It is, for me at least, really important to go back to work for that mental stretch, but also to have something for my son to be proud of me for as well. I want a good career, my own money, the ability to financially and collectively give my son everything. I feel it’s really important for children to see a bit of the world, and you can’t do that without some free cash!
I know when the time comes and I have to leave such a little one at a nursery for a day, I will be consumed by guilt and worry for him. I’m a natural worrier, so I’ll imagine the worst. I do however, think it’s increadibly important that he learns to socialise with his peers early on, and that he can learn from and trust those whose care we leave him in.
There is also the huge issue of the physical process for me of going back to work. I actually need to find a job, be successful at interview and secure a job! Being a new mother, I think on the one hand you are fit to burst with the confidence that being a parent brings. Jeez if I can have a baby I can do anything! If my body can produce the most perfect little person, then I’m pretty darn great right?! Juxtaposed with, I haven’t had a business conversation in eight months, my body wobbles, my suits don’t fit, no one has asked me my professional opinion for a seriously long time.
Its right for me and my family that I go back to work. Yes originally that decision was solely based on financial need, but now it’s also very much based on choice. I do feel like I’m at the bottom of a very big mountain. I have to summon the confidence to sell myself at an interview, let alone squeeze my ample derrière into an elasticated suit! I’ll let you know how it goes when the time comes! Onwards!